Friday, April 5, 2013

Beautiful Boy

Just in case anyone was wondering, I haven't dropped off the face of the earth, although I will admit that I was wondering if I'd ever get back onto the blog. Laziness kind of just took over as month after month went by. And then January hit, and it wasn't laziness preventing me from writing any longer. It was this little fella.

 Brand new baby

 Proud Papa
Looking toward Ganny
Goodbye, Baby Blogger Envy!

Isaac Glen came into our lives on January 15th ,and he's definitely made an impression on our existence, mainly in the form of sleep deprivation and the oscillation between joy and frustration/inadequacy.

It's crazy to think that I'm actually a parent now; it was always something that would "eventually" happen. Kind of like, "Some day Glen will be done with school" or "I will move out of Provo". Occasionally I find myself still waiting for it to feel real that the term "mom" applies to me, even as I chat with Isaac and actually say the words, "I'm your mommy!"

 Blessing day -- what cute booties!
 Loving the rubdown after a bath

 Daddy's such a goof

But now he's nearly three months old and is finding new ways to charm and amuse me each day, which helps in the times he squalls and I am tempted to toss him out the window (glen's phrase, not mine). It's been especially fun since he's started smiling at us more often and consistently (especially at me, the meal provider). We're pretty sure his favorite spot is the changing table, because he always starts smiling when we get him on there (unless he's in a really bad mood). He has also discovered mirrors in the last couple of days, so he'll smile at himself for QUITE some time. I wonder if he knows it's him he's seeing. If he does, I'm tempted to start singing "You're so vain" when he gazes at himself. I may have already done so this morning.

In a more serious vein of thought, it's been a very humbling experience to become a mother in two distinct ways. The first is how inadequate I feel as I learn to take care of this little person who depends on other people, and primarily me, for everything. I realize how truly selfish a creature I am naturally and how much I need to overcome that feeling so that Isaac can be nurtured and taken care of. I need to work longer days because I'm constantly taking breaks to be with him, I have to keep my temper reined in when he's taking a long time to be consoled, I need to give up sleep (one of my favorite things), I need to give up time with Glen (who has been awesome as he's stepped into the role of father). Taking care of a child requires me to give up the easy road. One side of me is starting to embrace it, the other side is saying, "Dang it!"

 It's Easter!
 I love this face. -snicker-

The second humbling thing is how much I have depended on others the last couple of months. Having Isaac and the subsequent health trials that accompanied labor and delivery forced me to ask for and accept help, something I have never liked doing. I have even struggled with accepting help from Glen in taking care of Isaac, mainly because I feel like I've lost a battle if I have to give up my crying baby to his dad, and I should be able to do everything myself (right?). I have been extremely blessed, though, by Glen, family members, and friends in our ward who have all been so willing and eager to help and serve me. I just need to work on allowing that help and not feel guilty about letting some things go as I juggle Isaac, Glen, work, church, and life.

Wish me luck! And please don't hesitate to tell me how cute my child is.


"Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore." -Ogden Nash